Developing Stronger Filters
Deciding who to listen to and who to hear.
Studies reveal that 90% of people think they are above average. That’s right, most people think they outperform the norm. Getting caught up on who is actually above average would miss the point. What matters is much simpler: most people are wrong. Failing to consider the facts and information around us, we overlook the logical reality.
This continues to play out in daily life. Every day we field advice and insight from those providing misinformation. Whether friends, family, or the stranger down the street, all experience and advice is not created equal. The tension is almost no advice comes with a warning label.
Rather than accept it at face value, it’s important to become more rigid about whose advice we accept. Our mental clarity is shaped by the quality of information we allow ourselves to believe.
The accuracy and value of people’s ideas and opinions vary greatly. Within our own circle of influence, we should clearly define and prioritize appropriately.
A Simple Exercise
On a sheet of paper, list out the people in your family. To the right of their names, create three columns: work, social, personal.
Using a positive (+) or a negative (-), rate each person based on your perception of each area of their life. For example, if you admire their success at work, rate them a ‘+’. If you find their personal life detestable, use a ‘-’. If undecided or indifferent, use a ‘+/-’.
In regards to work, those their work align with your hopes for your own work?
For social, how are their interpersonal relationships? Do they have a habit of burning bridges? Do you look forward to time with them or dread the prospect?
For personal, does their work ethic or motivation align with your ideals? Does the way they carry them self align with the type of person you hope to be?
Next, total up each person’s score. A negative cancels out a positive, and ‘+/-’ is neutral.
Finally, reflect. Who has the highest score? Who has the lowest? Is the average of everyone a positive or a negative?
Repeat the exercise for coworkers, friends, and others you may interact with.
Changing Behavior and Leveraging Results
With an clear measure, I’ve found myself realigning my behavior. For those I’ve scored +3, I default to trusting their advice and prioritizing time with them. Beyond understanding, I explore ways of implementing their insights. I allow myself to be more vulnerable and open to change at their prompting. Envisioning my mind like a house, they get a key to the front door.
For those who are neutral or negative, their advice and experience passes through a thicker filter. I’m more skeptical and assume they are wrong, unless they share compelling evidence to the contrary. In my metaphorical house, they don’t get a key and I likely meet them at the front gate. False truths are toxic and worth caution.
It’s worth noting that regardless of one’s score, they still deserve respect. Their alignment with my personal values does not reflect my willingness to interact, dialogue, and engage in discussion.
The Challenge
Raise your average. Find mentors, leaders, and thoughtful individuals whose opinions you can trust. Pursue stronger relationships people who reflect your goals and objectives. You will find your outlook and perspective evolves for the better.
